This weekend has helped me to see some things a little more clearly about myself and about how I perceive reality. I’ve been reading this book lately called Bondage Breaker, and it’s been really forcing me to examine and be honest with myself about what I truly believe is true in my heart vs what I’m still trying to believe. It’s basically a very scripture-based spiritual book.

One of the things that I find that I’m being forced to address is this flesh vs spirit vs indwelling sin vs the Holy Spirit thing. I feel like I know what it’s saying already, the whole you’re not your old self, you’re brand new but still have to decide whether to use your body for good (God’s glory) or evil (your own glory). But of course what you believe is shown through your actions. And most of the time I feel guilty for having any type of evil thought pop up in my head. I haven’t fully embraced the truth that that’s OK. That’s sin lurking it’s ugly ahead, trying to appeal to me. But it’s not me. I’m the spirit being living inside this body that’s constantly being given suggestions for what to do. It’s just that sin seems to make offers more frequently or maybe more insistently than the Holy Spirit. Or at least that’s what it seems like. Maybe it’s just that I’m more used to the voice of the sin in me than the Holy Spirit. That would make sense, seeing as the Holy Spirit only showed up after about 14 years of listening to sin, and then sin didn’t leave after the Holy Spirit moved in either. It lost the throne, but it didn’t move out.

Today’s message at church was about the Holy Spirit. I can’t really point out anything I hadn’t heard before, which is just as good as God saying to me “you already know what to do, there’s nothing more to it. Just go do it”. And just like Jesus’ thick-headed disciples in John 14:5 I’m sitting here like “do what”? And Jesus is like “You already know!”

Disciples are supposed to learn by doing. Or at least that’s what the word means. So I guess it’s time for a lot of doing. Pray that I “learn” stupid things as little as possible.

Love always perseveres (1 Cor 13:7). Live in Love yall (1 John 4:16)

OH YEAH! New mantra for my list: Live vicariously. Through yourself.